Dear Bely, I fell in love with the Pharmacist at my local drug store. The first time I went to pick-up medication, he helped me and I was love struck. A month later, I was back at the same pharmacy counter and he happened to be there as well. The first time I saw him, I was as single as they come. The second time, I had a boyfriend. Except that time, he slipped me a piece of paper with his phone number. I text him out of curiosity and since then have opened communication with him. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a month and he doesn’t know we text. The pharmacist has recently asked me to go to a Vicente Fernandez concert with him. He is so HOT and I’m contemplating actually accepting his invitation. Should I go or not?
Tempted to go
-Las Vegas, NV
Call the firefighters! Some one is playing with fire. And you know what happens, when you play with fire? You can get burned. So think this through, chica. It’s reasonable that you find your attention diverted by someone else after being with your boyfriend for only a month. You are so used to being unattached, that it takes time for you to lock yourself in to one person. Things like this always happen when you just hook up with someone. Its like, everyone is taken when you are single-but as soon as you are off the market the love meter goes off the charts; you’re world pours with guys. Its almost like they smell it on you. But now you have given the “Hot Boy” an open window. I suggest you start back-peddling now. If you accept his invitation to the concert, you’re only gonna complicate things for yourself and depending on how true your feelings are for your boyfriend, you can loose him. Don’t let this love triangle blow-up in your face. I always say to put shoe on the other foot. Would you like your man getting all giddy about another girl? Study the situation and see which one outweighs the other. If you are not truly into your boyfriend, then spare him the feelings and spare yourself the drama and let it go and go on and get your Ken. But if you care about your man, don’t play him and don’t sell yourself short over a model face or a sexy scene body. Besides there are things that a gorgeous face can’t offer, like an honest heart.
I have a friend who has two children with her baby daddy. She recently confided in me that she has discovered inappropriate messages online with multiple women. All these women are from other states. Thing is she cant confront him because it was his best friend that gave her access to his account so that she could see his bad ways. She suspects he is being unfaithful. Lately, he tells her that he’s going on late-night bike rides with his guy friends. She doesn’t have a car, so even if she wants to follow him she cant. How can I help her find a way to confront her boyfriend without jeopardizing her boyfriends friend?
-San Diego, CA
There are many things she can do to catch him in the act. She can set-up a false page and try to hook him by giving him the rope and letting him hang himself. Or she can have a decoy set things up with him and she can bust in on him. So many ways she can set him up but honestly, if she has already seen the dirt, what more proof does she want? There is so much she can do to incriminate her husband but in reality all she will accomplish is to lose her mind. The anger of his betrayal will only build in her and he will become her only focus. She will probably end up losing sleep, apatite, perhaps neglect her children, and she will be paranoid from this point on every time he leaves her side. It is a horrible way to live. Its better to accept the truth, and move on. Its best to confront him and not ignore the issue. If she wants to conceal her source, she can simply start off by telling him he left his page open a while back and since has been doing a lot of thinking and figuring out on how to approach him without any means for drama. And by drama, I mean there shouldn’t be any crying or yelling-it doesn’t aid the situation. I recommend she formats her conversation with him and prepare for whatever angle he may come from. Once he see’s she is structured, he’ll know she is well informed and wont attempt to take any alternative roads to dig his way out. This conversation can lead to revelations that will either break the marriage or perhaps serve as a wake-up call to him. It depends on the bond of the two. It takes two to make it work, and it takes one to end it.
Dear Bely, my friend is dating this guy and I am talking to his friend. We’ve just started to get to know each other but my friend, who has known him for years, says he is a cheater because he cheated on her friend. I don’t want to get played by him, if thats the game plan he is on. Should I give him a chance or take my friends word for it?
Short and simple. Curiosity killed the cat. First of all, depending on how good of a friend your friend is, ask yourself what would be her motives to put him under a bad light in your eyes. If she is a good friend and has no reason for lying to you in this way, then take her word and NEXT-him. Secondly, if your friend has known him for some time now, maybe she is credible enough in what she claims. And lastly, while there is always two sides of a story, you can hear his side and decide for yourself. Every relationship is different and so is every outcome. If you want to take your chances, assess him yourself. Don’t play checkers, play Chess. Think strategically.